Perhaps we may be reading a book or a letter that makes us incredibly sad, so we put it down for ten minutes to make a drink and take a break. Emotional self regulation is the process where humans work through – or regulate – their emotions.Īs adults we do this on a daily basis, maybe we’re watching television and a gory scene comes on that makes us wince, so we quickly change channels or cover our eyes. To understand the development of self settling we need to examine the psychological concept of ’emotional self regulation’. In reality however you are categorically not leaving your baby to ‘soothe’, you are leaving them to cry, even if it is only for periods of two minutes at a time. Whoever invented it has cleverly made it sound like something positive and gentle, similar to the new wave of controlled crying names such as “controlled comforting”, “spaced soothing” and “controlled soothing”. ‘Self soothing’ is such a misleading term. In essence you can’t teach something that their brains are not yet equipped for (no matter what the sleep expert promises!). Just as they become more physically mobile, develop the ability to eat solids and develop the ability to talk. Self soothing is a developmental stage, a skill that infants gain as they grow older. Through sleep training you can condition a baby not to cry out for attention and go to sleep without parental input fairly easily, however this behaviour is not indicative of a baby who is calm, soothed or settled. “But it works” I hear you cry……hmmmm, does it? Really? Self soothing is not something you can teach, through any amount of sleep training or techniques. What if I told you that babies can’t self soothe?īabies are no more capable of self settling than they are of riding a bike. Many experts tell sleep deprived parents how vitally important it is to teach the ‘skill’ of self soothing to their offspring as soon as possible. Self soothing is often referred to as the holy grail of baby sleep, once babies can self soothe, parents are told to expect uninterrupted nights and easier bedtimes. The intensity and rawness of now will soften and fade into memories but the impact you have had on your growing baby’s brain will last a lifetime.So many, parents and experts alike, advocate the idea of “teaching a baby to self settle” or “self soothe”. Right now it feels like a distant pipe dream but the sad truth of life is that time slows for no one. One day, they will be too big for boob, they will be too big to sleep on your chest, they’ll be too big to pick up, they’ll be too big for your singing and humming, too big for your stories. They need you ever so intensely right now, but it WILL end.

They truly would sleep better if they could and when they can, they will. YOU are your baby’s whole world and they love every inch of you. Your time, your patience, your unconditional love is not in vain. But, it’s at times like this that you need to know just how incredible you are and despite your struggle, your baby is every bit as wonderful as they are because of you. All of the mothers who have lived or are living this experience feel this from time to time.

You will once again doubt yourself and your baby. You will wonder what you did in another life to deserve this. No matter what you do or how positive your mind set, some days you will feel defeated. I know it can be utterly demoralising not being able to see a light at the end of this ridiculously sleep deprived tunnel.

Baby dont sleep anymore